Speak Softly And Carry A Stun Gun
The latest in non-lethal ass-kicking

The Pulse Wave Myotron is similar to a standard police stun gun; on contact with an assailant, it emits waves that immediately incapacitate without causing permanent damage. However, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms does not classify this gadget as a weapon -- which means it's legal in every state and has, essentially, no regulations or restrictions placed on it. Also, get this -- you don't ever have to change the batteries. $179.95.

See also...
... by Thomas S. Roche
... in the Scope section
... from September 3, 1999

If you'd like to go with a slightly more traditional non-lethal weapon, try the Air Tazer, which fires twin probes up to 15 feet using a blast of compressed air. The probes zap an attacker with something called "T waves," causing complete loss of bodily control for several minutes. Taser International now sells the Tazer accessory you've been waiting for -- the Air Tazer Lazer [sic], a laser sight for your Tazer so you can put those probes right in the middle of the bad guy's forehead. $199.95.