TOPEKA, Kan. -- In a major victory for religious conservatives, the Kansas Board of Education voted Wednesday to bar evolution from the classroom.

"We had children showing up to school as segmented worms at 8:00 a.m. and leaving that same afternoon as Australopithecus," said Tom Willis, director of the Creation Science Association for Mid-America. "In many cases, their parents weren't even asked to sign a permission slip."

"This is a great achievement for all who believe in God's word," said conservative spokesman Jerry Falwell. "Finally, at least in Kansas, children will be prevented from evolving without the knowledge and consent of their parents."

Willis elaborated on the Board's thinking: "No student should be subjected to the process of evolution in the classroom. God's word is very clear on Creation, and allowing the youngsters of Kansas to develop from trilobites to Cro-Magnon Man in the course of a single school year is completely unacceptable in a God-fearing society. These so-called 'scientists' -- really Satanists in thin disguise -- will no longer be able to enforce their cultic beliefs on the good kids of Kansas."

Although many within the Kansas community were appalled by the decision, most echoed the sentiments of homemaker Lou Ann Dimplebutt: "Science has its place, but it doesn't belong in the classroom. We're perfectly happy for the children of Kansas to remain at the bottom of the evolutionary ladder."

Clarence Darrow could not be reached for comment.

Thomas S. Roche is the former nonfiction editor of www.Gothic.Net and a current staff writer at GettingIt.