If, like most of us here at the GettingIt offices, you adore monkeys, this is your day. You've probably long since written off your chances for having a monkey as a pet, since importation of monkeys is severely restricted in the U.S. You've no doubt been crying your little eyes out knowing you'll never have your own annoying, spastic little psychopath to shred your curtains and smear your walls with foul matter.

No longer! With the wonders of the electronic age, you can now have your very own monkey -- one that jumps up and down, makes noise and throws shit at you when it's pissed off, just like a real monkey. But the Minor Demons Pocket Monkey does so much more -- it also smokes crack and fucks its bunny. Does that qualify as bestiality? Don't answer that.

The Pocket Monkey is downloadable shareware for your Palm Pilot, so you can take your new best friend places it would be a disaster to take a real monkey -- ball games, the office, Grandma's house. A takeoff on the popular Tamagotchi delusion, the Pocket Monkey expects you to feed it, love it, clean up its droppings, and give it drugs -- or it'll kick off, just like the real deal. The good news is when it pelts you with its shit, you can zap it with an electric cattle-prod -- and there's not a whole lot PETA can say about it.