Bedding Butches
The dos and don'ts of getting bulldagger booty
Published September 7, 1999 in Crave

There may not be anything hotter than a woman with a slight strut in her walk, 501s that smoothly wrap around her motorcycle, and biceps the size of Manhattan. A woman who exudes a sexy masculinity, a gallantry, a confidence; but who isn't a man. It's a different energy entirely. It can be hard to define, but you always know it when you see it.

See also...
... by D. R.
... in the Crave section
... from September 7, 1999

Mmmm, butches. How I love them so.

Fucking them is divine. But it can also be a delicate dance of subtlety and nuance, for butch sexuality is utterly complex. Gender isn't simply what's between your legs or on your brain; I know plenty of butch babes who are comfortable with their female bodies, but who identify their gender in more male terms and are fine with the apparent paradox. In other words, just because the hottie in the leather jacket thinks of herself as a boy doesn't mean she's gonna run out to get hormone therapy tomorrow.

What it does mean, however, is that you -- the lucky duck who gets to fuck her -- are being trusted with a lot of power. The big ol' butch is actually making herself quite vulnerable by getting in a sexual situation with you. Obviously a butch's maleness is never more fragile than when she is naked. It's you who can help actualize her sophisticated schema -- appreciating her masculinity despite, or including, her woman's body -- or cruelly suck the wind from her sails.

So, gentle reader, I thusly offer a few tips for the butch bedroom. Make her feel as hot as she actually is and you're guaranteed an invite back.

DO use her words of choice. When she grabs for your tits like a horny teenager, you may roll your eyes in mock annoyance and say, "you're such a boy." Or, when she gruffly orders you to get your ass on the bed immediately, a sweet, "yes, Daddy" may be decidedly in order.

DO drop to your knees and start sucking her dick the moment she straps it on. It wins major points -- you're anointing her cock -- it's absolutely hot, and you don't even have to worry about teeth.

DON'T assume all butches want femme dykes. Some butches go for butch-on-butch or butch-on-boy fag action, others get off on one of a dozen shades of gray -- or a little of everything.

DON'T grab her breasts and say, "nice jugs." (I did this once to a particularly tough leatherdaddy. It just slipped out -- and it was not, as they say, a Miss Manners Moment. Sigh. They were great jugs.)

DO know that a properly placed strap-on dick can smack her clit in just the right places. By all means work this information in as many ways as possible -- jack her off, work your body when she's working yours … you get the picture.

DO consider fierce, narrow, high-heeled shoes. Not all butches salivate over stilettos, but the ones that do are awfully easy to keep. Watch 'em drop to their knees in worship.

DON'T grab at genitals without asking permission. A good rule of thumb for anybody you're shtupping, but especially true here. Some butches are happy to flip for your lips, others would prefer to keep things strictly on the plane of penile play.

DO ask to be taken for a ride on her motorcycle, if she has one. A spin around the block on an enormous, shiny vibrator with your thighs wrapped around her ass can very well be all the foreplay either of you'll ever need. Ever.

DO take your hottest male-fantasies for a whirl. Does she remind you of the cute skater boys from high school? A horny sailor on shore leave? The vicious beardaddy lurking around the leather bars? Bet she gets off at playing out your slutty secrets. Come to think of it, bet you do, too.

DON'T worry so much about rules. That is, don't censor yourself any more than you would with any other partner; it's all about making her feel sexy, her making you feel sexy, and having mind-blowing sex. Just run your fingers through her short-short hair, catch the groove on her yummy macho vibe, and you'll be perfectly fine.

D. R. is a San Francisco-based writer whose work has appeared in Salon, The San Francisco Chronicle, Sojourner, and on the occasional public bathroom wall. She also fights crime in the subway.