That's right, you too can hypnotize hot babes and lure them to your lair where they will service your every sexual desire. Just follow the instructions of self-titled "Chairman of the Broads," Ross Jeffries, founder of the method known as Speed Seduction, and you'll have women obeying your every command. Disclaimer: Speed Seduction and Ross Jeffries are not liable for impotence or sexual rejection.

Sans disclaimer, that's the gist of the marketing hype offered by Mr. Jeffries, and it's a brilliant idea: Neuro-linguistic programming applied to the problem of getting laid. Be cocky, irreverent, funny, and a little profane (but safely unattractive), and you've got a recipe for success.

We here at GettingIt had to find out the murky details of a personality and business that thrive on the sexual insecurity of other guys. In fact, Jeffries has been so successful that he confidently invited us to send two reporters, a male and a female, to his latest seminar at the Hyatt Inn in Palo Alto, Calif. (an $1,800 value!), for free. We accepted.

First Sightings

GettingIt editor Cara Bruce and I hit the hotel restaurant for breakfast, and instantly spotted the Don Juan Doofus himself, leaving as we were going in. He walked past us without a clue as to who we were, naturally (the only reason we knew what he looked like is that we'd watched some of his home video courses).

Once inside the restaurant, we noticed that Jeffries' sidekick and personal hypnotist, "Major" Mark Cunningham, was eating at the table next to ours. On tape, we'd watched him mesmerize a room full of aspiring "seducers" as he pumped suggestions (all in a deep, resonant voice) into their heads about breaking away from self-doubt, and generating positive thoughts in its place -- thoughts marinated in the charged metaphors of lust and sexual conquest.

Perhaps his hypnotic powers were what suddenly gathered a group of energetic young males around his breakfast table, bobbing and strutting, shaking his hand in admiration. The men were visibly enthralled to be in the presence of Major Mark, a balding, moustached, pudgy, middle-aged, Droopy-the-Dog sort of guy. And he worked the small crowd well.

The guys managed to pull themselves away, migrating to the empty table on the other side of us, and began talking amongst themselves. We eavesdropped enthusiastically.

All talk about the subtleties of personal psychology quickly turned into a session of tasteless joke trading. Here's a sample: "I was talking to this bookish girl and I said, 'I can see that you're very well-read, perhaps Twain and Dickens. I can't see a Twain side of you, but I definitely see a Dickens side of you.'" Inappropriately loud laughter followed.

Actually, I shouldn't call them jokes, because such stories make up a class of lines that Speed Seducers use to covertly implant suggestive messages into the victims' minds. Another legendary example is to use the phrase "below me" (pronouncing it "blow me") in as many sentences as you can. Brilliant stuff.

We paid our bill and made our way to the conference room where the seminar was beginning.

Our interaction with Ross Jeffries didn't start off well. Perhaps it was because we came into the room 15 minutes late and couldn't find two open seats next to each other (we both felt a vague sense of danger in being separated). We spotted a couple of chairs near the front and made our way. Suddenly, from nowhere and everywhere, the voice of Ross Jeffries boomed over our heads:

"GettingIt dot com sits in the back of the room. You're second-class citizens."

Warming 'Em Up

Major Mark's introduction seemed a bit funnier in person than it had on the videotapes. It was a bold and polished performance wherein he promised -- between crude sex jokes involving squirrels and acorns -- that this course was going to teach the students to "mold their own realities," where they were in command of every beautiful woman they cared to approach. Important stuff, since -- according to the Speed Seduction philosophy -- language, cultural prejudices, and gender roles work to the advantage of women.

One thing he mentioned really got my attention: He'd recently married -- unusual for anyone aspiring to Speed Seducer status, as he acknowledged. Come on, how can you practice your skills on new women when you've got a wife at home waiting for you? Now, it's not "blow" Speed Seducers to hit on married women, but it makes absolutely no marketing sense whatsoever to appeal to married men.

Furthermore, talk of marriage and long-term relationships just didn't jibe with the spritely, hormonally-charged buzz coming off the attendees. Could it be that the so-called Masters of Seduction were actually softies looking for acceptance like the rest of us? If so, maybe everyone should have been reading a John Gray book instead of listening to these guys.

After all, it's not easy to attend a Speed Seduction seminar. Cara and I were spared because we were from the media, but the others had to subject themselves to group rituals involving deep humiliation.

The One, the Only...

As he took the mic from Major Mark, Ross Jeffries' self-confident swagger defied his tall, skinny, blemished-skin, liver-lipped, beady-eyed appearance. He rattled off well-constructed scenarios and theories, often loudly asking "Does that make sense?" He would become bitchy if he didn't get an enthusiastic "Yes!" in unison from the whole room. And, at the same time, he encouraged questions. "I'm not an authoritarian," he'd say. "Tell the truth about whether you understand or not, and we'll work it out until you do."

As if it were an afterthought, Jeffries announced they were going to engage in a little ritual. He had the students move the tables to the edges of the room so that everyone could sit in the center on the floor, conveniently "blow" him. It was the beginning of the "Obey Me" show (a staple among hypnotists), and the unwitting guest of honor was going to be a tall guy with an acne-scarred face and a big tiger on the front of his T-shirt.

Jeffries selected seven guys from the group, had them line up, and led them through a series of physical-mental exercises. They were supposed to "visualize" centers of energy and glowing orbs, a sort of Tai Chi for pick-up artists. They were to generate, through sheer will power, a mystical talisman they could wear to give them Seduction power. Arms rose slowly, bodies turned on command. Most of the men seemed pretty OK with it, but one of them wasn't; he rolled his eyes and was visibly uncomfortable.

After one iteration of the exercise, Jeffries told them all to sit down, "except for you, Tiger Boy -- you stay there." He beckoned Tiger Boy to sit on a stool beside him, and said reassuringly, "You're here under my influence and my protection, so don't be scared. I won't hurt you."

He asked Tiger Boy if he'd been criticized a lot as a child -- told that he didn't do things the right way. Tiger Boy said yes. Jeffries got him to introspect just deep enough to touch his insecurities, which of course were already close to the surface (what would you expect from someone who's paid $895 to have another man tell him how to talk to women?). Tiger Boy seemed to move into a state of mild inner pain. At the same time, he was clearly awed that Jeffries was tapping into his state so accurately.

Jeffries said he wanted Tiger Boy to forget all about those mean adults; they were in the past. He wanted him to deliberately replace those negative self-perceptions with powerful new ones, and led him through the horny Tai Chi exercise a couple more times, giving Tiger Boy positive feedback whenever he held his chin up high or nodded his head in acknowledgment of some new feeling.

"Now. Do you feel differently?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Try to feel shy at the thought of meeting a woman. Can you do it?"

"Nope."

"All right then, good work."

He had Tiger Boy sit down, and the room applauded.

The enthusiasm seemed odd to me. Just imagining that I might have to go through that made me very uneasy. But, consider: By Jeffries' own estimate the percentage of men present who'd attended at least one of his seminars before was 30 percent. And that didn't include those who'd purchased his home study course. I began to see these "rituals" as a hazing process, a group solidarity exercise meant to align student sentiment regarding themselves, women, Speed Seduction, and most importantly, about Ross Jeffries himself.

Deconstructing the Sage of Seduction

And now is where I speculate wildly on what might motivate someone like Ross Jeffries to dedicate his whole life to "teaching" Speed Seduction, beyond the money and the sycophantic worship of his students.

Theory Number One: Ross Jeffries is gay.
I don't mean closeted or repressed, I mean flamingly, rabidly gay. The whole Speed Seduction thing is a riff on straight guys who feel bad about themselves for not knowing how to "play the game." What better revenge than to trigger their deepest inadequacies and bilk each of them for thousands of dollars at the same time? Beautiful! Sure, Ross acts pretty straight most of the time, but he does one routine where he demonstrates acting gay as a technique for hitting on a certain type of stuck-up woman ... and he's more than convincing. He's also attracted to buff women. Hmmm.

Theory Number Two: Ross Jeffries is a closet comedian.
It's widely known that Jeffries is a failed comedy writer. He obviously gets a charge out of telling his tasteless jokes (jokes that wouldn't get a laugh, or even make any sense, if not for the Speed Seduction context). It's a way for him to feel as funny as he wants to be, and get paid handsomely by a very small crowd. And if he can't make them laugh, he can always humiliate them!

Comedians usually end up alienating their audience when they do that, but not Jeffries. Like an abusive boyfriend, he turns it into a way to win them over even more. His charm has its limits, though. When others, such as Major Mark, are speaking, Jeffries will often burst forth with comments from the back of the room that are meant to show support. But they're badly timed, or overly enthusiastic, and he comes across as a dork.

It would be a mistake to call Jeffries a fraud. He does provide a set of tools for shy men that allows them to approach women they don't know, with some amount of confidence and presence. And that's enough to greatly increase the chances of impressing a woman. It's certainly more successful than a nervous approach.

On the other hand, approaching women, talking to women, even getting their phone numbers, is not the same thing as having sex with them. And how would Jeffries or any of the teachers or students of Speed Seduction be expected to prove that they got laid as often as they claim? Obviously, nobody's going to whip out the bloody bed linen here, but Ross, pointing to someone in the room and asking for verification isn't even close to proof.

Like nerds who finally got accepted into a fraternity, these guys -- teachers and students alike -- can bask in the glow of reported conquest, throwing out lines and tossing off jokes which demonstrate a great command of the Speed Seduction vocabulary, as well as a certain poise and charm when in a room full of emasculated romantic losers. But until I see the camcorder footage of Seducers humping lots of "HBs" (hot babes), I'll assume that the emotional charge of feeling superior to the rest of the male population, and dominant over the female, is enough incentive to maintain a shared and complex facade.

I wouldn't put it "blow" them.

See Also: The Sage of Seduction

Jeff Diehl is a very slow seducer.