Looking for the perfect gift for that shitty person in your life? You found it: The Poop Moose, whose own Web site touts him as "The most impractical gift you could possibly buy." Mr. Moose is a handmade wooden moose who dispenses a bevy of turdlets into your open hand when you tip his head back! In most cases, the "turds" in question will be M&M's or another kind of miniscule, delectable confection, but hey, if you're so inclined... "Best of all, it's made in Alaska," the Poop Moose Web site tells us, like it's supposed to matter. You can collect stories about how your parents, friends, and co-workers all call you sick and disgusting -- and e-mail them to the manufacturers, who are working on plans to publish a book of the most amusing Poop Moose anecdotes! $59.95 to $129.95 from www.poopmoose.com.

Not into scat scenes? Oh, then what you need is a little lovin' -- Jar Jar style! That's right, it's the Jar Jar Binks Monster Mouth Candy Tongue. The tongue-shaped lolly you're savagely devouring juts phallic and vermilion from the wide-open mouth of that most famous of all Gungan tongue-kissers, Jar Jar Binks from Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. Did some Lucasfilm executive decide that kids needed to, um, "start early" on their kissing lessons? Don't answer that. $4.75 per tongue from Candy Warehouse.

Thomas S. Roche is a GettingIt staff writer.