Strip Poker With Monica
Upping the ante on sex in the Oval Office

The pornography world is always happy to milk a good political scandal for its arousal value. Sure enough, Hustler came up with the obligatory "Monica Blows Bill" layout, there's no end of poorly 'shopped Monica nudes on the Web, and one poor Polk County swinger named Becka Lynn posted photos of herself in flagrante with a man in a Slick Willy mask -- and was picked up on obscenity charges shortly thereafter. But how impressive is that? Where's the love? Maybe the spectacle of Peter Jennings ransacking the thesaurus for "cumstain" synonyms made the actual splooges anticlimactic.

See also...
... by Thomas S. Roche
... in the Scope section
... from July 30, 1999

At last, that situation is redressed. Eagle Rock Enterprises, makers of one of the most well-promoted (translation: heavily-spammed) strip poker games available on the Internet, offer us Strip Poker Deluxe: Presidential Affairs -- The Monica Connection. Your opponents are the brunette-and-sultry "Monica" and the blonde-and-perky "Monique" (neither bearing even a remote resemblance to Lewinsky) in full-motion video.

You, you lucky dog, play the part of a President who sounds suspiciously like a porn director as he recites lines so witty they're guaranteed to make your nostril hairs curl. "Monica, you're a great intern -- but you are one lousy poker player," you quip when the raven-haired chick loses her top. "Mr. President, do you really think I can be in charge of domestic affairs?" blondie replies as the slinky black dress hits the floor. And here's the kicker: As Monique doffs her last item of clothing, she titters, "Oh my, Mr. President, I didn't think the Commander in Chief would salute!" Stop, you're killing me.

The quality of the video isn't bad, but the game has glitches: Several times, my fully dressed opponent suddenly shed her clothes without preamble when I won a small hand. I guess it's good to be king.

Strip Poker Deluxe: The Monica Connection is worth every cent of its $29.95 price tag. It may sound like a lot, but bear in mind that the real Lewinsky turned down a $2 million offer from Penthouse. You got enough cash lying around to up the ante? Then make do with this, and give new meaning to the expression "hard luck."

Thomas S. Roche is a GettingIt staff writer, a columnist for www.Gothic.Net, and a brutal, punishing poker shark with a wicked heart made of well-used cigar butts and Presidential cumstains.