All I Want For Christmas
Dirty gifts for your special someone

There are some of you out there who are just putting the finishing ribbons on the lamest Christmas gifts ever given. You will wrap up that tie (for him) or a bottle of cheap perfume (for her) and then, come Christmas morning, whine how you ain't getting any. For those of you interested in sharing some holiday cheer of a more pornographic kind, I've compiled a list of gifts that are sure to get your stocking stuffed this holiday season.

See also...
... by Eve Rings
... in the Crave section
... from December 22, 1999

Access Denied is one of the leading manufacturers of chastity belts. They make these devices for men or women, and they claim once you give the key to someone, only they will be able to remove it. For around $500, not only can you get your mate a lovely Christmas gift but you can also make sure they don't fuck anyone else.

What could bring more warmth and joy to your holiday than a latex Houdini straightjacket? House Of Harlot carries one that comes in sizes ranging from XS to XL, so you can get one for everyone on your shopping list. Imagine the look of surprise and glee on your mailman's face when he receives this rather than a fruitcake.

Nothing says "Joy To The World" more than a full-latex body bag that you can use to keep your mate snug, warm, and immobile. sells body bags that boast "optional tit access" and "heavy-duty zipper with three zipper-pulls to allow easy access anywhere along the front of the bag."

What could possibly get you in the holiday spirit more than doing something nice for your partner -- like dressing up in a latex nun's habit? Not only will you be fulfilling one of his deep, dark sexual fantasies, but it also eliminates that nagging question about what to wear to midnight mass.

There are just a few suggestions about what to stick under your tree, and by no means should you neglect the more traditional Christmas gifts, such as nipple clamps, riding crops, enema kits, and mink-lined handcuffs. For those of you a bit short on cash this holiday season, you can also strategically tie yourself up in red ribbon and give yourself to your partner like some triple-X-rated present. Just don't expect any sort of traditional thank-you note.

Eve Rings is a 29-year-old writer who has made Santa's naughty list 10 years in a row.