The science of dog noises

Whether there's too much barking in your life or not enough, there's a modern device to pick up the slack. The Bark Free Bark Buster responds whenever your dog barks by emitting high-frequency sound waves that convince Rover that no, he really didn't want to bark after all. It's supposedly a "humane and effective" way to stop old Fido's nasty baying. But if I were the pooch in question, I think I'd have to take out my aggressions in a more socially-beneficial manner... say, chewing the shit out of your favorite slippers.

See also...
... by Thomas S. Roche
... in the Scope section
... from September 15, 1999

The Spike Electronic Guard Dog, on the other hand, will add that barking right back into your life, where it's helpful -- like when that mob of Y2K looters climbs over your fence. The device senses motion in a 30-foot radius through doors, walls, and brick, and responds with a frenzied barking or growling. In fact, you can choose whether you want to have your valuables guarded by a pack of wild dogs, a single but highly-vocal Doberman pinscher, or a Mastiff that just kind of sits there and growls ominously.