Has sex become a big fucking bore? Are you considering drastic measures to reinvigorate your libido as it suffers from pre-millennial stress? Lydia understands. You need an injection of Tough Love.
Dear Lydia,
My soul mate is witchy. She wears black, mouths incantations, concocts potions, grows her own herbs, and has her monthly menstrual mass under the full moon. She also has a Ph.D. and is knowledgeable enough to start her own coven. Our sex is heavenly, and I am thoroughly under her spell. But I want to take it one step further: I want her to hypnotize me. The thought of being completely enslaved to her and relieved of any inhibitions is a turn-on. What are the possible side effects of dabbling in this? What if I'm put under her influence and never come out again?
Signed,
Spellbound
Dear Spellbound,
Hypnosis is used to cure bad habits, help lose weight, and alleviate pain. Why not use it for hotter sex? Hypno-fetishism is a growing phenomenon. The thought of being gently guided into complete submission where the mind is totally relaxed and the body does as is commanded, especially by a beautiful witch, is very liberating. Take the plunge. Your mistress obviously already has you eating out of her hand. You cannot get "trapped in hypnosis." The usual dream state lasts 20 minutes to two hours. By that time, she will have had her wicked ways with you, and she'll probably be bored enough with her little zombie to snap you out of it.
Dear Lydia,
My boyfriend wants to screw every part of my body except the obvious. One night it's under my arms, the next behind my knees, then it's the crook of my neck. Sometimes he cups my feet in lotus position and creams my toes. He humps the small of my back. Or he has me squeeze my thighs together and comes all over them. He always finishes me off with his mouth, which is glorious, but occasionally, even the most adventurous woman likes a little old-fashioned missionary. Please, decode his trip for me.
Signed,
Hungry Kitty
Dear Hungry Kitty,
Be happy he's thrilled with every inch of your body. Humor him, as long as he's not overlooking your orgasms. Please yourself with a dildo, one shaped like a little fist, or a foot -- maybe that'll turn him on. Use an electric vibrator when he's screwing your neck. Suggest he start with your feet, work up to your knees and thighs and finish himself off by climbing inside your honeycomb. Remind him that it's feeling a little needy, and if he doesn't want you to stray, he'll pay equal attention inside and out.
Lydia Lunch is a confrontational media-manipulator who has explored and exploited the written and spoken word, music, film, video, theatre, photography, and sculpture. She is notorious for practicing public psychotherapy for the past two decades in an attempt to dissect the origin of obsessions.
Tough Love runs each Thursday on GettingIt.