Looking for the perfect gift for that annoying scumbag in your life? A landlord, perhaps, or soon-to-be ex-boss? Tell that special someone what you really think of him/her/it with a Christmas gift that'll bring the acrid taste of bile into the recipient's throat.

The Cadillac of projectile-vomit-inducing gifts is undoubtedly Toe Cheez from BodyBags.com. "They taste better than the real thing!" the site proclaims... but I doubt that. Anyway, these baked cheese chunks ($8.95 for a quarter pound) come in such delightful flavors as "musky," "sweaty sock," and "big toe jalapeño pecan." They're sealed in a can, unlike the real thing -- which, as you know, just sort of crops up when you least expect it. The best part is that Toe Cheez has a shelf life of three months -- so for a really evil gift, wrap up a can of expired Toe Cheez, dig?

Got a total tightass in your life? Well, since that poor uptight person is never going to be able to really light one up properly, why not give the gift of farts? Pick up a copy of Pull My Finger!: 99 Tracks of Flatulent Sound Effects from The Fart Mart and know that you succeeded in buying your loved one something that he or she would never buy himself. Hey, give a whole fartface gift pack: Pull My Finger, the classic International Wind-Breaking Contest, the ever-popular American Flatulators video, and a can of Fart Spray in case the tightass in question can't open up even after all that coaxing. I can guarantee you one more thing: You will not get invited back next year for Christmas dinner!

See also: Give Nasty