Ad-Rock's Plea For Women's Safety Angers White Boy Rappers

NEW YORK -- Beastie Boy Adam Horowitz's (a.k.a. Ad-Rock) plea at last week's MTV Video Music Awards for bands to take responsibility for the safety of female concertgoers has met with rancorous reactions from bands who depend on male aggression as an essential part of their act.

See also...
... by Larry Getlen
... in the Whoa! section
... from September 14, 1999

"Ad-Rock's a fucking sod!" screamed Keith Flint, lead rapper/singer/garbler-of-words for the industrial band Prodigy. "If it weren't for 'Smack My Bitch Up,' I'd still be earning my keep as rough trade on Saville Row. What does he think, fans want to see us because of this Flock of Seagulls crap on top of my head? We can't exactly release 'Make My Lady a Cup of Chamomile Tea' and expect to sell any bleedin' CDs, now can we?"

Bands who played Woodstock '99, where the safety controversy was ignited after four reported rapes, were equally incensed with Ad-Rock's ranting.

"Rock is about breaking shit -- tearing down the place, showing the bitches and hos where we're at," said Limp Bizkit's Fred Durst. "Hey, if I can't tell my fans to go wild, get the nookie, go crazy... Shit, man, I might actually have to learn to sing."

White boy rapper Kid Rock echoed that sentiment. "Yo, chill. The kids need to fuck shit up, get whack, be dope, bawitaba, you know," said Kid as he chugged on a forty. "Man, bitches gotz to know they place, word up, homey... Oh, shit, am I white? Damn, man."

Surprisingly, Ad-Rock also took flack from feminist non-violence advocates.

"Who the fuck does he think he is, expressing an opinion about womyn?" said Marcia Drone, spokesperson for the Movement for Evaluating National Security for Uterus-Carrying Kinfolk (MENSUCK). "His penis renders his opinion meaningless."

Horowitz has expressed shock and dismay at the reaction, since, he says, he was only kidding.

"Bitch, have you even listened to our albums," asked Horowitz. "Remember 'Paul Revere' -- 'I did it like this, I did it like that, I did it with a Wiffle Ball bat.' Girls to clean up my room, now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout. That's the dope shit, boooooeeeeyy."


Larry Getlen has written for Raygun, Salon, MovieMaker and many other publications. He also writes a weekly news satire column called "Larry's Look at Life," which he distributes via E-Mail.