Ihave made one turkey in my life. I had a Thanksgiving dinner party for a few friends who had decided to skip flying home in order to engage in what is truly the national pastime -- getting really fucked up on major holidays. The turkey came out pink (hello salmonella!), but I had enough wine there so no one noticed. My pie, however, came out lovely. Good enough to have sex with.

Eating can be a very sensual experience when done with a partner. Even though I'm sure many of you have been whipped with Twizzler licorice ropes and forced to drink milk from a saucer (OK, so maybe not many of you), there are those of you who still haven't played with your food.

Thanksgiving is a perfect time to give this fetish a try. Soft foods, such as stuffing, mashed potatoes, and sweet-potato pie can be placed on the body of your partner and licked off. Or else you can put some of the food in your hand and make your partner beg to eat out of it. This topic is also hot in the porn industry, where some movies depict women taking hints from Martha Stewart and discovering how a gourmet dinner can really be a "good thing."

For the true gourmand, you can try inserting raw and scrubbed carrots, yams, or cucumbers into either partner's orifices, but be gentle -- try cranberry sauce as a lubricant. When engaging in any sort of edible play, it's much safer to think of foods that can be licked off, rather than those that are inserted. Not only is the use of dinner items as penetration toys unclean, but it can also be extremely dangerous. And it just seems so much more holiday-like to lick whipped cream off your partner's aching nether mouth than to assault her with a pumpkin.