Has sex become a big fucking bore? Are you considering drastic measures to reinvigorate your libido as it suffers from pre-millennial stress? Lydia understands. You need an injection of Tough Love.
Dear Lydia,
I'm dating a self-mutilator. The guy I'm seeing is well educated, employed, and rational. Other than his one little obsession, he's the perfect male specimen. Every time there's a new wound, he seems happier, more adjusted, almost elated. His forearms and belly read like the Thomas Guide. He's never threatened to cut me, or asked me to witness this spectacle; he is just proud to show off his handiwork. Do I have reason to fear for his or my health?
Signed,
Razor's Edge
Dear Edge,
People often mutilate as a skewered method of self-help. Self-inflicted wounds -- which one can watch bleed, scab over, and then heal -- serve as a roadmap to releasing hidden traumas whose psychic healing is less evident. This is usually a phase. The endorphin rush which follows the cutting acts as a holy ritual, where the individual feels empowered both by the pain and their conquering of its physical repercussions. Most self-mutilators keep it to themselves. Since it's done in private (you're not forced against your will to play act or pamper) and he feels better afterwards -- let it go. There's nothing hotter than a sexy man full of battlewounds fought on his own private killing fields.
Dear Lydia,
Although I'm quite petite, I'm a chubby chaser. I'm into really obese men -- 300 pounds or more. The high I feel pumping up and down on that playground of flesh is unparalleled. Thin men just don't do it for me: they're arrogant, disrespectful, and vain. Huge men always treat me well, are thrilled with the sex, and drool for hours afterwards. The only problem is my girlfriends. Their sarcastic remarks, snide comments, and rude behavior make me feel freaky. Are there any clubs or secret societies you can recommend?
Signed,
The Bigger the Better
Dear Biggie,
Why would you need to join a club, when 65 percent of this country is chronically obese? Go to any mall, sports arena, or hot dog stand and take your pick of porky love toys. Fuck your friends, you know what gets your blood pumping. They're just jealous that you're not afraid to admit your kink. They're probably too busy puking after gorging on Taco Bell, in the lifelong and miserable pursuit of the perfect 98-pound body. Imagine the joy you bring to the men who are too often overlooked simply because of their looks. With my blessings, grab two big fat handfuls and ride yourself into oblivion.
Lydia Lunch is a confrontational media-manipulator who has explored and exploited the written and spoken word, music, film, video, theatre, photography, and sculpture. She is notorious for practicing public psychotherapy for the past two decades in an attempt to dissect the origin of obsessions.
Tough Love runs each Thursday on GettingIt.