Is your mouse-hand feeling cramped and bitchy? Have you been downloading too many Juliette Lewis GIFs from the Web? With a therapeutic mouse pad from www.911gifts.com, you can apply massage therapy to your wrist and fingers in two different speeds. It uses two AA batteries and has a suction-cup to keep it in place on your desk.

But if you're looking for vibrational assistance, here's a device that'll really keep you on track (or so say its makers): The MotivAider. The gadget's manufacturers promise it can help you "limit your time spent aimlessly wandering the net, quit smoking, lose weight, use time more efficiently, be on time, reduce stress, eliminate unhealthy or annoying habits, improve your relationship skills, advance your career, try a new outlook or image, [and] play better golf or tennis."

Holy shit -- that's a pretty tall order for a little thingie the size of a digital kitchen timer! How does the MotivAider do it? By vibrating at user-set intervals, of course! Stick it in your pocket and Mrs. Tingle sends you a gentle jolt every few minutes to remind you to sit up straight, eat your vegetables, etc., etc.

I know: You're thinking "What a clever, helpful, and inexpensive device!" Think again, sucker! The "MotivAider System" is $69.95. Oh, but you get a "personal achievement guide" and an "audio instruction cassette" to go with it, so it's a deal. Just make sure you get your $70 worth and stick that junior vibrator somewhere interesting, dig?