The freshest in beeping fashion accessories

Developments in pager technology have been dominated lately by the advent of Web-based paging. That's right, now the range of kooks who can bother you isn't limited to people who use the phone -- you can now receive an alphanumeric page from some freak in Utah who's really inspired by your home page and wants to let you know the secret of who killed Kennedy, as revealed by an alien named Mothar living in their neighbor's dog. Lucky you! Of course, pagerspamming can't be far away....

See also...
... by Thomas S. Roche
... in the Scope section
... from October 15, 1999

But if you're really looking for the new thing in pagers, you're looking for the BeepWear Pro. Not only is it a wristwatch that functions as an alphanumeric pager, but you also get up-to-the-minute newsfeeds from the Timex DataLink system. The watch sets itself and checks for the correct time every few minutes automatically. This means you don't have to reset your watch when you fly through different time zones, and you won't have to remember whether you need to spring back or fall forward.

But wait, there's more! You can also use the BeepWear Pro as an organizer -- it communicates with your PC to set specified alarm times and stores up to 150 telephone numbers and 3,000 dirty GIFs. It'll also let you fly at up to three times the speed of sound, communicate with the orbiting mother ship, and vaporize evildoers at a range of 100 yards with a needle-fine Vector Beam of interplanetary MegaProtons!

OK... we're just kidding about the dirty GIFs.