If the anal region is the last great erogenous frontier of "mainstream" sexuality, then the enema has to be a kind of Starship Voyager, blazing trails where (presumably) few have gone before. And if that hot, busty Borg bitch Seven of Nine is at the helm, well, ya might just have to count this geek in, if you'll pardon my dangling preposition.

Of course, enemas have always had a dual role in society, dating back to when those naughty Egyptians first discovered that literally a buttload of fluid can be shot into the rectal region, and hey, if it's done right you might live to tell about it. If it's not done right, or if too much unadulterated H₂O is pumped in at once (without adding salt or baking soda), your body goes into hyponatremic shock from the water's dilution of blood electrolytes and you die. But at least your bowels will be clean!

Medical experts still argue over the health benefits of enemas. Once a matter of classic old wives' tales, enemas have been adopted by new-age practitioners who insist that the average white male has about 900 pounds of Carl's Jr. Western Bacon Cheeseburgers impacted on his colon (urban legend in full effect). Contemporary medical opinion holds that Mother Nature's own "broom" is quite capable on its own, apologies to Ma Kettle's hot water bottle.

But lo and behold, it didn't take civilization long in its fluid phalanx foray before some enemized male subject popped a bodacious boner while accepting his liquid load. Or a water-filled wench's clit swelled from her most private area taking in a couple o' quarts. Health, schmealth -- nothing inspires devotion quite like a big, squishy orgasm.

Physiologists call the enjoyment of enemas on a sexual level klismaphilia. And while most klismaphiles are aware of their scientific classification (they're quite an astute bunch), they prefer to be called "E-people." I guess the thinking is when the general populace hear the suffix -phile, the reference they're most familiar with is accompanied by the prefix pedo-.

How do I know E-people are such an astute bunch, you justifiably inquire? Well, ya gotta be a fuckin' rocket scientist to be fully into it, for one thing! Besides the aforementioned specter of death which is only casually referred to by klismaphiles (and to be fair can be relatively easy to avoid with a little smarts), there is an awful lot of patience involved.

To the outsider, the process seems so methodical and complicated that it would appear to be counterproductive from a sexual perspective. But E-people seem undaunted by the task, and some even engineer sophisticated enemas that, according to volume, must be administered at specific heights and angles to achieve the desired result.

Of course, the desired result is to fill your rectal cavity with enough fluid for you to achieve pleasure without hurting yourself. "Enemas stimulate the entire complex of tissues and organs around the reproductive area," said E-person Ben Dover. "They are powerful in their effects, and once you get over the initial 'cramping' as the water is injected and exits, the pressure, the anal and rectal massage and stimulation, and the heat, make a powerful combination."

While scientists have estimated the capacity of the cavity at about seven quarts, this is misleading, as tests involved cadavers, who are unlikely to complain of pressure. E-people recommend an average two-quart capacity, although some daredevils climb that Mt. Everest of enemas, the legendary Four-Quart Enema.

Retaining the water for longer periods of time is the ultimate goal. Warm water is best for both acceptance and retention (although some enjoy ice-cold enemas). And you can't forget that what comes in must come out, and, at least for the first flush of the evening, it never comes out unaccompanied by diverse, um ... debris. Expulsion seems most natural on the can, but due to the angle of the muscle leading into the sphincter, can also be the most difficult. The bathtub is easier, but this method can be ... messy.

If experimenting with enemas sounds like your bag, you can find an excellent resource for both burgeoning and expert klismaphiles at sexuality.org's enema FAQ. They offer an anatomy of the colon (acute awareness of the innards seems a common thread among E-people -- many get off on seeing the outline of the colon, which is visible when water is retained in the rectum, in a mirror), instructions on building your own gear when store-bought ain't cuttin' it, and sundry other tips.

As one might imagine, klismaphiles often have trouble when revealing their enema infatuation to others, particularly in intimate circumstances. "Almost every E-person I know has at some time tried to explain her fantasy and desires to a person she loves (same for men, of course) -- and has been rebuffed," said an anonymous E-person. "Many of these people seek other partners for this specific thing that they feel is so important in their sexual lives. Many others live a life of hurt and feel completely misunderstood. It takes adjustment sometimes, and even a re-thinking about sex and what it actually involves, but the rewards are very great."

Kinda makes ya fell all gushy inside, doesn't it?