ATLANTA -- Earthlink founder Sky Dayton teamed up with Mindspring founder Charles Brewer yesterday to sneak up behind Steve Case and give the America Online CEO a cheek-splitting wedgie. Preliminary reports state that Case is in stable condition, but has "some sort of rash running up the crack of his ass."

"That Steve Case is a big bully and he deserved what he got," said Dayton. "Just last month he posted 'Sky Dayton loves Janet Reno' all over AOL's message boards -- which I do not!" Dayton went on to state that Case frequently called him "dorkus Dayton," and had a habit of bashing the two upstart ISP founders on the head with a class ring.

Brewer was more direct. "The wedgie was just the beginning, Steve. Next month we're giving you the tomahawk," said Brewer, referring to the practice of rubbing one's finger across the anus before smearing it under the nose of an unsuspecting victim.

Case, meanwhile, remained unrepentant.

"Yeah, you little faggots might have gotten me this time," he said. "But I'll be watching out for you from now on. You just wait until I get you alone in the locker room, then we'll see who's got male, if you know what I mean."

In typical Internet-stock fashion, AOL share prices took a sharp downward turn immediately following the news, before spiking upward, then back down again, and then a little bit to the left before calling it a night and going to bed with a bad hangover, a half-pint of Muscatel and some Noxema vanishing cream rub.

Mat Honan is a Senior Editor at GettingIt. He blames AOL for all the evil in the world.