Superfreaks

What she's wearing/carrying

What you should do to get her attention

Long hair, Napalm Death T-shirt, copy of The Satanic Bible, dead cat.

To bring about the end of civilization and the ritual scourging of the human race by the dark armies of Satan.

Ask her if she's met Jesus.

Black hair with blonde roots, spiderweb stockings, black cotton skirt, Christian Death T-shirt, ammo case, Pall Malls.

A dead boyfriend so she can write bad poetry about him and read it in coffeehouses under the name "Lucrezia Y. Baudelaire."

Long hair, tie-dyed Earth First T-shirt, long cotton skirt, Birkenstocks, flyers for the animal-rights rally at noon.

Ooo, to make the world all better and stuff, really raise everyone's Chi, you know?

Chain yourself to the core of a nuclear reactor.

Perfect black hair, black patent-leather skirt, pointy-toed boots, Addams Family T-shirt, Hello Kitty lunchbox, clove cigarettes.

To get stoned and watch The Munsters while fucking your brains out.

Wear eyeliner, offer to read her your poetry, tell her she looks like Rose MacGowan.

Green mohawk, Cramps T-shirt, knee-high Doc Martens, spiked dog collar, fishnets, black lace ballerina dress.

To piss off her parents.

Break a beer bottle on your head, vomit, blow snot on her.

Nose ring, glitter eye-makeup, hiphuggers, platform shoes, pink tank top.

Give her a Demerol lollypop and feel her up.

Black coveralls, copy of Andrea Dworkin's Intercourse, "I Castrated 300 Sexist White Male Oppressors And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt" T-shirt with the sleeves cut off, AK-47, chainsaw.

Sex-negative feminist chick

To castrate you, preferably while on public transportation and while her friends videotape it for their senior thesis in Film Theory.

Pink, blue, or orange hair, Ani DiFranco T-shirt, short skirt, combat boots, copy of Macho Sluts, tattoo of a dripping vagina on her arm, brown bag holding tofu sandwich, latex gloves, and six bottles of Astroglide.

Sex-positive feminist chick

Sex, sex, and more sex, but mostly with other cute alternachicks and the occasional ex-boyfriend even lamer than you.

Silver stretch jeans, creepers, Sonic Youth T-shirt cut off under her tits, navel ring, demo tape.

To become Chrissie Hynde.

Tell her you're a record producer and ask if she'll blow you.



What she's wearing/carrying	What she is	What she wants	What you should do to get her attention
Long hair, Napalm Death T-shirt, copy of The Satanic Bible, dead cat.	Blakkmetal chick	To bring about the end of civilization and the ritual scourging of the human race by the dark armies of Satan.	Ask her if she's met Jesus.
Black hair with blonde roots, spiderweb stockings, black cotton skirt, Christian Death T-shirt, ammo case, Pall Malls.	Gloomygothchick	A dead boyfriend so she can write bad poetry about him and read it in coffeehouses under the name "Lucrezia Y. Baudelaire."	Hang yourself.
Long hair, tie-dyed Earth First T-shirt, long cotton skirt, Birkenstocks, flyers for the animal-rights rally at noon.	Hippie activist	Ooo, to make the world all better and stuff, really raise everyone's Chi, you know?	Chain yourself to the core of a nuclear reactor.
Perfect black hair, black patent-leather skirt, pointy-toed boots, Addams Family T-shirt, Hello Kitty lunchbox, clove cigarettes.	Perkigothchick	To get stoned and watch The Munsters while fucking your brains out.	Wear eyeliner, offer to read her your poetry, tell her she looks like Rose MacGowan.
Green mohawk, Cramps T-shirt, knee-high Doc Martens, spiked dog collar, fishnets, black lace ballerina dress.	Punk chick	To piss off her parents.	Break a beer bottle on your head, vomit, blow snot on her.
Nose ring, glitter eye-makeup, hiphuggers, platform shoes, pink tank top.	Rave chick	Drugs.	Give her a Demerol lollypop and feel her up.
Black coveralls, copy of Andrea Dworkin's Intercourse, "I Castrated 300 Sexist White Male Oppressors And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt" T-shirt with the sleeves cut off, AK-47, chainsaw.	Sex-negative feminist chick	To castrate you, preferably while on public transportation and while her friends videotape it for their senior thesis in Film Theory.	Run screaming.
Pink, blue, or orange hair, Ani DiFranco T-shirt, short skirt, combat boots, copy of Macho Sluts, tattoo of a dripping vagina on her arm, brown bag holding tofu sandwich, latex gloves, and six bottles of Astroglide.	Sex-positive feminist chick	Sex, sex, and more sex, but mostly with other cute alternachicks and the occasional ex-boyfriend even lamer than you.	Get a sex change.
Silver stretch jeans, creepers, Sonic Youth T-shirt cut off under her tits, navel ring, demo tape.	Wannabe rock star	To become Chrissie Hynde.	Tell her you're a record producer and ask if she'll blow you.